JOYCE HOUGHTON (nee MILDON)

On Sunday 16 March, Sally took me to Hay House where our mother is being looked after. It is a large house standing prominently on a hill above Broadclyst in extensive grounds. The drive from the road to the parking at the front of the house is long. Grass grows on either side and the daffodils were in flower.
The bell was answered by Phyllis in pink slippers who opened the large red front door and peered out. With the help of a nurse we were admitted into the lobby. There is a smell in the house which is noticeable before one enters. Its not unpleasant, but is distinctive.
We went to Mum's room. The nurse undertook to find Mum and bring her too us. Evidently she can get around quite well unaided.
The rooms all have large white doors with the name of the occupant(s) printed on paper. Mum has her own room, number 21 on the first floor. There is a single bed, wardrobe and washbasin. The ceiling is high and the large window faces west which lets in the afternoon sunlight. There are a couple of pieces of furniture from Mum's home: a sideboard and folding leaf table. We had brought her rocking chair, and so placed it by the window. A few of Mum's pictures adorned the walls together with her wall-clock that shows time, day and date.
The door opened and Mum shuffled in. She greeted Sally whom she seemed to recognise and then registered my presence, smiled and said my name. We embraced. She has lost a lot of weight and had the trace of a bruise on her right cheek where she had been struck by another resident.
In talking with Mum that Sunday afternoon it was clear that she has little or no memory of events later than the forties. She talks a lot of Copplestone, Cheriton and the names of Harry Martin, John Thorne and Bill Drake. She eats and sleeps well we believe, although I think she might benefit from vitamin and mineral supplements. She appears to drink tea whenever the opportunity arises.
Throughout the the week that followed I visited Mum everyday and stayed for several hours. I usually made my excuses to leave when her evening meal was brought to her. The stafff would come in with photographs they had gathered up from around the house. Mum was in the habit of taking armfuls downstairs. During the week I managed to nail many of them to the walls of her room in an effort to stop them going walkabout. I brought in a large picture of three horses that she had at home. She liked it and told me that she used to exercise and groom all three. I am not so sure. The picture is entitled "Three Kings" and names each mount as: Red Rum, Arkle and Desert Orchid.
I think I learned not to contradict details which you know to be inaccurate. Mum's reality is not your own. However it was particularly hard to deal with questions like: "Why does Mum and Dad not come to see me?". In the end I told her that they were very old and too frail to make the trip.
During the week Mum took a tumble. The staff rang Sally to inform her. She had fallen in the corridor on the ground floor. She spends a lot of time there, as she likes the pharmacist. She landed on the cheek that was already bruised. The doctor was called and a fracture is not suspected. Her face and eye are very bruised though.
All the staff seem very caring, although Mum clearly has her favourites.

Do visit Mum if you have a mind to. The address and contact details are on an earlier post. Visitors are genuinely welcomed by the staff at Hay House. I feel that any stimulus must be helpful to Mum. If you can, post a report on the blog or ask someone else to do it for you, so much the better. When I am so far away I would be most interested to read them.

What happens now? Well, I have returned to London and will begin planning my journey home to the Philippines. Sally and I have talked over the predicament of what is best for Mum. We are still weighing up the options - and there are one or two. We want to be sure we do the right thing by Mum, to give her the best quality of life she can reasonably expect.

NIC IN UK

I arrived back in UK on Tuesday 4 March. I have been in London since arriving in order to address some personal admin issues. My good friend Rob has kindly allowed me access to his internet and office facilities at his home.
I managed to meet my nephew Jonathan, at Waterloo yesterday. He has just moved to the capital from Guildford and starts a new job on Monday. He treated me to a coffee and we had a good natter about all sorts of topics (my mother, which game console to buy, his new job, his father in New York, sushi restaurants...).
Tomorrow Saturday 15 March I head for Devon by hire car. I shall stay at Mother's house which Sally has placed on the market. I am first meeting my half-sister Abi at our Father's graveside near Tiverton. It is two years since his death on 13 March 2006, two days after his 75th birthday. There is a blog devoted to his (the Houghton) side of the family at http://houghtonbeachparty.blogspot.com/ .
On Sunday Sally and I are going to visit Mum at the nursing home. This will be the first time that I have seen her since she waved me goodbye last September before she fell ill. I have an enduring memory of her standing in her garden waving, as seen through my rear view mirror.
I still do not know quite what to expect, and people have been reluctant, or do not have the words to explain.
I shall probably stay down there until Tuesday 25 March when I shall return to London and prepare to fly back to The Philippines.

If family or friends would like to contact me whilst I am in UK, my mobile telephone number is: 07958 400 122